Yes, I apologize in advance. THIS IS A RANT...If you are single, not in a good mood, in a relationship and hopeful that there is a such thing as a "great guy" or if you are already IN LOVE. Heck even if you just hate complaining!!!
DONT READ THIS POST....Please just click the little x on the top right corner, this will be the worst 2 minutes of your life. I will say this...I never really complain. I use this blog to actually KEEP myself positive. To feel like I am maybe helping by telling you all about training tips, nutrition and give you a glemse of my life as a single upper 20 something living in a college town. Today I will say....I am not positive. I am not happy and I am not going to fake it. I love you guys and you have been very open and honest with me and I promised myself that when I started this, I would be real. Even on the days that I didn't do a very good job of sticking with "my plan" for the day, you saw it. I don't lie and I don't try to act as though I am perfect. Truth be told, I am not perfect at all. I have problems just like the rest of us. I try to remember though that how I feel at the moment wont last forever (thanks Pete!). I try to remember that is abundance. That there is more than enough to go around. I try to remember that even though I dont have what I want now, it will come. I am what they call hopeful. This morning I am confused and quite frankly pissed off.
Losing the battle of his heart even before I had a chance to really fight.
About six, maybe seven or eight, months ago I was dating a guy I was… let’s just say, Obsessed with. God, he was adorable. And he had this crazy calming, yet so exciting effect on me. It was thrilling and amazing and I loved every minute of it.
Every time I saw or even sensed his presence in a room with me: My legs would start to go numb. My heart would race too fast. My head would lose all sense of time. My body would go cold and hot at the same time. And I would just shake from the sudden change. I am naturally level headed and secure in myself and Men don’t effect me, but I was different around him. He would rock my boat by just being there. And I was “obsessed” with him in my own way.
By the word Obsessed, most people think, She stalked him. Always called his phone. Texted him all the time. Asking where he’s at. What he’s doing… Blah, Blah, Blah. Practically suffocated the life out of the poor guy no wonder he just disappeared.
Well, I never did much really. Honestly I don’t think I did enough to keep his attention and he got very bored with me. It was that simple. What could have been, never was. In an attempt to shrug off years of feeling that thin, smiling and pretty was the way a girl should be, I spent my late teens turning my back on girly magazines that offer hypocritical lip service to feminism (page 17: why men love the your curves… page 54: how to lose 7 lbs in three weeks - and eat all the chocolate you want!!!). I surrounded myself with friends who didn’t conform to standardised notions of gender and sought out female role models who went out of their way to condemn a patriarchal definition of femininity.
Despite the bombardment of media messages explaining skinny is good, make-up is needed (come spend your hard-earned money - it will help you get that promotion you think you’ve always wanted), and men like us to be sexy, sexual, demure, undemanding, affectionate, cute, caring, attentive, easy, ice-queenish etc etc etc etc etc, I finally realised that most men actually are interested in more than what women look like and how we can be of benefit to them. So I packed away my insecurities and finally decided that I was enough, to date that is. I am 28 years old and already divorced. This my friends is a hard pill to swallow and an even harder pill to pass on to a "potential" boyfriend. Usually, I wait to tell them. I try and wait for the right moment or even better, I wait about a week after dating them and by that time they have already moved on. Then I don't have to even worry about the embarrassment or feelings of being a loser. Usually this works. However, this time I just got it out there, said it and moved on. Big deal, right? I am not going into the details of the split but lets just say...wrong timing. I have no earthly idea if this is the reason why the last one hung out with me and made me feel like I was something special only to go home and "unfriend" me on facebook (I am hating that thing by the way). How second grade is that??? Then he proceeded, left me a e-mail saying "he wishes me luck in all my endeavors". Just like that. Dumped. Again.
How many times can a girl get dumped by a guy that she thinks is nice? Well I will tell you. In less than a year....5. That just so happens to be my lucky number! What do you know...My favorite kind of dump (and this is what 3 of the 5 did) is just disappear. That is always great. You sit there for weeks telling yourself things like "well...maybe he went on vacation, maybe he had a family emergency, maybe he is just busy." Well Heather, the reality of it all is, he really didn't like you and took the easy way out and vanished. This is what I like to call "the coward". Men that don't even have enough energy to say, you know what...I just don't have the time right now or "Heather, I think your great but I just don't think it's a match." Ignoring someone is the absolute worst thing that you can do to someone. I would rather someone say "I hate your guts, I don't think that you are hot enough, you don't do it for me" then to just vanish into the "oh....I thought he was nice but it turns out a flake" world. The guy that says "I'll call you on Friday and then we will hang out!" actually calls on Friday only to tell you that "something came up" and that Monday would work better. Then you get a text on Monday saying Wednesday is the night that he promises to make it up to you for having to reschedule. Then you get the call..."I am just going to have to REALLY make it up to you but not until the weekend, something came up." By Saturday your pissed and give up. Done deal.Chances are the reason he hasn’t called you back is because he doesn’t want to talk to you. Maybe he can’t talk to you. Maybe he’s fighting pirates, composing an opera, shampooing orphaned kittens.
If he hasn’t called you back, don’t hemorrhage. Don’t instant message your bestie to bitch and moan. A dude not calling you back will snowball into ridiculousness. The simplest, most reasonable answer is the right one. His phone could have been turned off, his grandmother could have died, he could have been hit by a truck and has amnesia. Simple, right? I think that a man that is interested in knowing more about you and ready for a relationship should call between 24h-72 hours after the evening.
The average is 48 hours. Beyond that, his interest is not strong enough for you. Deal with it. This quote sums it up. Of course...it came from a man.
"Women are so fatalistic when it comes to interpreting male actions or inaction's. We’re not tea leaves, financial data, or post-modern fiction. Odds are if they haven’t called you back, it’s not because we think you’re a loony bird fatty who smells like olives and is crazy."
Sigh, there are just so many reasons why mean suck. I would list them all but I just cant. Now, I know....women can be just as bad, I know. However, this is MY rant and I am sticking to "I hate men and this is why post." Sorry.
So lets just keep on going shall we?
Yep, there are so many of them floating around in there. The other end sometimes can be pretty bad too. How about the infamous e-mail! This one to me really is what I like to call "the copoutter." Someone that wants to feel like they are doing the right thing by telling you that it isn't a match but doesn't go all the way through with it. Something like "hey! Heather, had a great night! I am sure we will see each other around..." This of course comes after hanging out for hours, me buying crap to make it a nice evening and them kissing me and making me feel like I just might be cool, nice or interesting enough to get to know better. Here's the thing dude...It's not good enough to be vague. It only leaves the other person thinking..."what did I do wrong?" Again, I would rather you just say it. Your not really what I thought you were. I wanted to sleep with you right away but you are take things to slow. I found someone else. Don't e-mail a girl (or a guy) and dump them, barely. Just do it completely. Tell us what we did and move on. We would think that you were way cooler if you just did so. Better yet, just come over to the house, sit us down and just say "I am just not ready to date" whatever your reason is....Just tell us so that our brains don't take over and make ourselves out to be monsters. Were not.
Ahhh, I am already feeling MUCH better. Thank you! All in all, I think that what these funny stories are meant to say is, it's not you...It's them, their loss. When you least expect it the right one will come along. Blah, blah, blah. No. The truth is, be ok with yourself and enjoy ever moment of being single even if it does suck because you too will one day be married and wishing that you were single again. That is all that I have to say and I am glad that I am saying it on a Saturday so that if you don't read blogs on the weekend or actually have a life you will maybe be able to by pass this one. Monday's post will be much better, promise!
-Heather
