Portion control and intuitive eating is the name of the game.

This morning I would like to talk a little bit about intuition. Don't get me wrong I am not a master of intuitive actions or anything but it is something I have decided to really focus on lately. How intuitive do you feel you are? Do you listen to your intuitions? I sometimes do and often push a feeling aside because I allow my brain to take over and not my heart. This slowly has stopped and now I am relying on my feelings rather than my thinking or analyzing what I should be doing instead of what I WANT to do. Because this is a food and exercise blog I would like to steer this in the food and active part of being intuitive.

If there is one thing that I have spent a HUGE amount of time on it's counting calories. I can easily rattle off how many calories almost anything has. I am constantly calculating how many calories a meal has in it and I even catch myself counting other peoples calories. I am known to be in a restaurant and look over at the next table and say to myself "Oh my gawd...she is eating about 1200 calories in nachos and about half of it is coming from fat." I am working on this! It is the trainer side of me. I never say it out loud and you would never know that I am calculating your calories but I am...Almost always. I worked at a health food store for a few years and when I would see some gorgeous man or women I would run over and peer into their cart..."What are they eating" I thought. Back then I was about 25 pounds over my comfort zone (weight) and I needed to do something. You see I am about to tell you my complete weight loss story and tell you exactly how I got to where I am today. If you are not looking for a HUGE post please just stop reading now. This could take a while.

Ok, so I am not going to go back as far as my child hood and eating habits there. I will say that I ate HORRIBLY and I ate what I wanted, when I wanted. I will also so say that I weighed about 160 pounds at one time and I had no idea what a nutritional label was or a calorie until I was almost 21 years of age. Can you believe that??? I was almost 22 when I first looked at the back of a candy bar. I remember it clearly. It was a snickers bar...I was working as a make-up artist at Macy's and people watched all day. I would see thin girls walking by and think "If I could look like that I would have no problems." Silly me! I would think..."They must have a HIGH metabolism, good genes." Little did I know that more than likely they were on a diet and exercised. I got the candy bar and opened it. I have no idea why I decided that day to actually look at the back but I did. I can say a few things about that day. One, I say that it had a bunch of calories but I didn't know if it was a bad thing or a good thing. I didn't know what a snack should have in it and how many cals it should have. I did know one thing though. The serving size. I remember looking on the back and after seeing the fat, carbs and calories I noticed the servings. It said two...I thought, "how sneaky..." There is two servings in this thing which mean double the amount of everything on the package and that means that I am really eating twice as much. Then the light bulb went off... "If there is TWO servings in here, does that mean that I should only be eating half???" I couldn't believe it. I never would have thought in a million years of not eating the whole candy bar. Right then and there I said "I have got to figure this stuff out." Yes, I only ate half that day ;)

Fast forward on....After that day I did look into how to go about counting calories but honestly I didn't do that great. I was a college student and my meals consisted of beer and the Wendy's dollar menu. A typical day for me back then was. No breakfast, coffee, at about 2:00 I would get a jr.bacon cheese burger, biggie fry and a Dr. Pepper. I would eat a candy bar at around 5:00 and then for dinner it was normally margaritas, a burrito and chips with cheese dip. I look back now and think two things...There is no way that I can get away with that now and I am really surprised that I wasn't fatter! I now think that my body would just shut down if I ate like that for a week. It grosses me out! I haven't eaten at a fast food restaurant in 8 years! Proudly I say so. So, back to my story. I eventually quite the mall. I got a job at the health food store and this is when the journey for me started. I was working there for almost a year and I loved it. I grew so close to some of my co workers. One of my friends was a super nice guy that worked in the bulk section...His name was Aaron and he had a great girl friend. While working at the health food store I learned a lot. I learned how to cook! I had no idea how to cook at all and when I worked at a grocery store it was so easy for me to grocery shop! I would go to the book section, to to the copy room. Find a recipe that looked good, photo copy it. Then just get the groceries needed go home and cook it. I learned so much. I was in love, had the best boyfriend and of course he didn't mind being my Ginny pig. Here is where the problem lied....I at that time decided to become a vegetarian. My boyfriend was raised one and I just thought it would be easier if I was too. That paired with working in a vegetarian health food store and the fact that I had always wanted to try a vegetarian life style out. The problem was that I thought "Because it is all health food and vegetarian, it must bee good for me." I ate as much as I wanted. Later, I stepped on the scale and realized that I was at my highest weight...165. I couldn't believe it. I was shocked. I thought to myself "How can eating health food make me so fat?" I wasn't eating off the dollar menu, I wasn't having Mexican every night, I wasn't drinking nearly as much...Why then? That is when I realized that moderation, even with healthy stuff was needed. I remember being at the store working one day and my good friend Aaron said to me. You should take my girlfriend's aerobic class. You would love it. I never in my life worked out. I never took a dance or aerobic class and I was willing. I told him that I would! HE called her and she said that she would have me as a guest. I went home. Changed into my workout clothes and she picked me up. When we were in the car she was almost pumping me up..."Ok, so if you need to take a break, remember to breathe and you can get through anything." I thought. "Jeeze this is just a workout class, it is not going to kill me, no big deal." Boy was I wrong. It KILLED me. My heart was pounding, I was sweating and there were times I though "If it wasn't the fact that I got a ride from the instructor her self and I didn't want to be completely embarrassed I would have walked out." I would have. There is no way that I would have EVER gone to a aerobic class if I literally didn't have someone hold my hand and take me there. I finished the class and I was proud. I was also something else.....HOOKED. I remember how great I felt. The adrenaline and the way my face glowed. I remember thinking. "Gosh, I have a long way to go". I got a YMCA membership and that was the start. I use to work out and say to myself "I work out so that I can eat whatever I want." It kinda worked". I lost 20 pounds and was able to eat the meals that I made and still have a great time with friends. Later that year I got engaged... That is when my thoughts changed. I thought "If I am going to be in pictures and have to look at them for the rest of my life...I am going to look great." I then started to not only work my butt off in the gym...I started cutting back on food. I didn't start to count calories just yet but I was very mindful of what and when I ate. I got down to 135 pounds and felt great on my wedding day. I looked great and I worked for it. After the wedding day I didn't have a goal to work for anymore. My weight creeped up to about 145 and I slacked off...Fast forward...That is when it happened. Sadly, and I say this with still a heavy heart. The divorce happened. I was married less than a year and I had failed. We got divorced and I got depressed...I ballooned up to 160 again and I was really in a bad place. With my husband already moved on and with me getting fatter by the day I knew that something had to change. I wanted revenge. I know that is the worst way to get healthy but at that point I didn't care. I wasn't about to have him end up with someone that looked better than me and I just needed some fuel to get me back to a thinner version of myself. This is when the REAL issues started. I knew a few things...I knew that cutting back on food and exercising worked. I knew that setting goals and visualizing worked. I knew that all these things put together....worked. I then sat down and made a promise. That I would get to 125 (never been that small before) no matter what and I was going to get there in two months. Wow, I know. Looking back I was setting unrealistic goals and they were really unhealthy. I slashed my calories in half and found the site the daily plate. I started back with the dance classes and started to lift weights. This is when I realized how to count cals and what my daily needs were. I started to chat with other people on there. I started searching for people on there who looked the way that I wanted to look. I found a girl. A girl that I asked question after question and did exactly what she did. She in my mind was perfect and I wanted it. BAD. Little did I know but she had a eating disorder, a really bad one at that. I was on a 500 calorie diet and was burning about 400 cals a day. I was eating only low or no calorie foods, every two hours but it wasn't enough. I was loosing weight and I was loosing it FAST. I got down to 115 pounds and everyone around me was worried. Going from 160 to 115 people didn't know what to think. They were astounded. No one said anything to me they just talked behind my back. One morning I went into work and my boss said to me. "If you loose one more pound I will tell your parents we have a problem." At first I was pissed, then I was scared. I was about to see my parents for the first time in months and I wanted to tell them that I had lost weight, not for someone else to and not in a bad way. I remember meeting my sister, grandmother and mom in the airport that weekend and seeing their jaws literally drop when they saw me. My mom cried....Here I thought I looked great and they thought I looked sick. Needless to say I was never happy with my body. I was thin yes but flabby. I came back from my trip and had a new idea...I wanted muscles! I wanted to look like this: NOT THIS

Looking back now I cant believe that I even thought that skinny girl looked good. Thanks to T.V., magazines and bill boards. I was brainwashed. I said goodbye to the girl (well actually she had to say good by to me because her family put her in a treatment facility) and I started trying to search for someone on the daily plate with the muscular build that I wanted. I found her! I e-mailed her and begged for her to help me. She at first told me that it took a lot of discipline that she just didn't think that I had what it took to get me there. I told her that I would prove her wrong if she would just take the time to tell me about weight lifting, cardio and diet. She e-mailed me and e-mailed me. Answered every question that I had and I started to do research on my own. I became OBSESSED, but this time with doing everything the RIGHT way. She flat out told me "There is no way that you will gain any muscle on your diet, you have to feed yourself the right fuel to gain the muscle that you want and it will then burn the fat that you have." "DONT be afraid to lift HEAVY and go to you MAX." I was ready. I was more than ready. I started out with a diet of 6 meals a day. HIGH protein (130-150 grams) low carbs (120-135 grams) and good fats (about 40 grams). I was on a 1500 calorie diet which was HUGE compared to what I was use to and honestly there were times where I wasn't hungry in the least and just made myself eat anyway. I started taking vitamin's, BCAA's and Glutamine to help with recovery. I worked out and I mean I WORKED OUT HARD. When I was in the gym I was focused and I was determined. I was on a mission and I knew it would take a long time to get there. Instead of a two month goal I gave myself a whole year to tackle this. I was allowing time for me to not only build muscle but learn the In's and outs of body building. I found my passion. I loved lifting, it made me feel strong and in control. I was so happy to be at the gym everyday and just have that time to focus on myself no one else. I was learning about food combinations and really sticking to a brutal diet of CLEAN foods only. No alcohol and little room to cheat. I decided that I want to compete in a body building contest, I had a goal. I went from this:

TO THIS: I worked out hard and I ate even harder. I was so happy to get to this and if you can believe it in this picture I weighed 120 pounds. All muscle and I can honestly say that I did it the healthy way. I was getting ready for this show (since I knew I had to wear this) for about three months and focused every single day. It has been a year and I have managed to pretty much maintain. I am currently getting over a back and knee injury but I have continued to eat healthy and work out as much as I can. I have gone up and down on the scale this past year but no more than 5 pounds.

There is a reason for all this rambling though!!! I wanted to talk about intuitive eating and portion control. You see, I am continuing on with this journey of optimum health. I want to be the best that I can be. For the last year I have been counting ever calorie, every fat and every carb. I know how many calories is in anything. I eat every two to three hours like my life depends on it. I am ready for a change. I am ready to try something new! This is exciting. Before it would be scary but I want to try intuitive eating and portion control. See, I eat about 1500 cals but some days I am just not that hungry and only eat about 1300 then I MAKE myself make up those two hundred cals whether I want to or not. It is because I was wanting to be perfect food wise and make sure I was getting what I needed. No more! I am going to eat what I want, when I want and just take two weeks to see what happens. Some days I will be over my allotted cals and some days not. I just want to see if this makes a difference. I weigh 115 today and I think that even if I put on 5 pounds that is easily fixable. I am at my feel good weight and I know what to do to get there. I eat about 6 small meals and I intend to keep that the same but instead of counting every two hours and then eat. I am going to just eat when I FEEL like it. I can eye my portions and know what would be acceptable. I think that this is going to be the key. I am going to listen to my body and I feel like it is always going to be a experiment. Life changes and so should your diet. With all this being said I am posting this because I want you to know my story. Everyone has one and I am no exception. Lessons have to be learned and you wouldn't enjoy getting to a goal unless you worked for it. It is something that everyone must go through. I hope that maybe my story helps someone out there. Someone who wants to look the way that I did but just don't know how. If you have any questions or need any help PLEASE contact me. I love my blog and I love you guys. I am glad that you made it to the end of this post! I have some GREAT new products coming my way and I hope that you will enjoy reading about them as much as I enjoyed trying them!

Have a great day my friends!

-Heather